Ahmad Ayyash
4 min readSep 16, 2020



The older you get the more weight you put on your shoulders, and sometimes you just want to take a break from holding that weights — perhaps ask someone to hold it for a moment, but then you just realized that everyone is pretty much in the same condition. So you put that “i can hold it myself” mask because you think that everyone have the same weight as you and they were able to hold it themselves. But they can’t. You can’t. We all can’t keep that weight with us all the time, especially when it keeps getting heavier. You wished that you can take off your identity and responsibility for a while and escape.

It’s crazy that sometimes it just crosses your mind to just end your life and gave up on this identity you have that people described you of; warm-hearted,hard worker, reliable, and… responsible. Deep inside you think that you’re not that, for now, you’re not capable for being that person. You’re tired, you want to sleep for a moment and continue tomorrow, you start to wish that you can stop the time, take a break, and continue when you’re ready to hold that weight again.

But then, realistically you can’t. You’ll still need to put sweat, blood, and tears to be alive, you’ll still need to be responsible for the weight you have, so you just keep holding it, as long as you can to the point where your muscles forgot how heavy it is, you forgot how tired you are, and then as you keep walking, you cross into people and listen to their stories, ones that similar to yours or even totally different.

Your journey starts to become more colorful, one day you walk with that weigh by the downtown. You see some interesting architectural buildings, every shape, every pattern explains different stories. You see the beauty of the city lights, you get to know how the daytime life is so different than the nighttime, and you learn that no matter what the time is, there will still be a life here and there.

One day you walk with that weigh by the mountain, you’ll hear all different kind of sounds; you hear the waterfall, the bird, the crickets, the trees, and the wind harmonizing and orchestrated a peaceful sound to your ears.

One day you walk with that weigh by the seaside, and while you’re walking, you see the dolphins smiling at you while jumping to the sky wishing that they can fly, you see newly hatched sea turtles happily racing to the sea full of predators….

and you’ll wonder why they take such a risk, why would they take all that responsibility for some journey that they don’t know of what’s coming. You’ll start to follow them, you swim so hard with all that weights to figure out why, you never get the answer, you get tired from swimming and you’re lost now, so you drowned yourself to the deep sea blue to seek for a different perspective. When you hit the bottom of it, you see all different kind of fishes, different kind of colors, you see the seafloor naturally decorated by the corals, to the point you start to believe that seafloor is the end of a rainbow. Then you see a bigger sea turtle, trying to go up to take a breath, so you go back to what you’re wondering, you follow that sea turtle up to the surface, you finally take a breath, and you realized that everything went dark, you can’t really see what’s around you but then when you look up to the sky, thousands of million stars shows you how beautiful it is, the darkness is surrounded by tiny shining stars, you even think that maybe the earth is not the only place that have life because the beauty of the sky gives you life and peace.

You fell asleep in the middle of the sea, floating, as the wave sings you their own lullaby. The sun rises, a brand new day, you feel like you’re in a different lifetime, you opened your eyes finding yourself by the shore, far from where you are, you finally see another, much bigger sea turtle just came from the sea to nest some eggs, bringing some new life. And then you wonder, you just saw the whole cycle of sea turtle’s life, and you still haven’t get the answer on why they’re taking that risk. You try to go to the memory lane and see what’s the worth of that journey, and you realized… it’s worth the view, it’s worth the story, it’s worth the weight.

You realized you’ve been focusing on what you’re holding/bringing with you on your adventure rather than the adventure itself, you’ve been focusing on where to go rather than on where you are and how far you’ve come. As soon as you know that, you run, you continue your wild journey, you fell, you got hurt, but you continue… until your journey comes to an end, it can be a sad ending, it can be a happy ending, who cares, it ends, and you made your journey worth to read.

So hey there baby sea turtles! Keep holding on, keep swimming, enjoy the view until it lasts. :)



Ahmad Ayyash

I'm Ayyash, a poet on a mission to heal souls with words. Through my verses, I embrace my scars and aim to inspire others to find pride in their own and heal.