chasing hues

I often keep my eyes from wandering too much when I’m walking; headphones on, a specific song that I’m fixated on for the rest of the month is playing, and I just walk. Often times more than none, a destination should be ahead of me, this time I’m going home. I often keep my eyes from wandering too much when I’m walking but today, the sunset looked a bit more dreamy, the hues of pink and orange enchanted me for a minute or two, and I found myself wondering when was the last time I paused and allowed my eyes to wander?

With heavy shoulders and heavier eyelids, finding anything more comforting than rest is hopeless. Sleep seems like an old habit you let go of indeliberately, or maybe it was somewhere between the load of work that never seems to lessen or in the back of your mind, waiting for you to welcome it back. Is that how life should feel like? Sleepless nights and 3 coffees and a possible midday snack just so you can heal this headache that can’t seem to stay away for longer than an hour?

To visualize how life was before now feels more like a distant friend and less like a faded memory of not too long ago, lingering around in my mind, intruding in my thoughts, but never too much, never too close, and I’m afraid it could result to “not anymore”. I love that distant friend, I never planned for it to slip away, I never planned to stop my eyes from wandering, not realizing the new leaf sprouts in the pot that lays beside my window or the sunsets, going through colors I might not witness for a long while.

I tend to grow apart from the joys and beauty of the life around me when the buzz of the outside world seems a bit too loud, and a bit too tiring. I grow apart from lighting candles and writing what I feel the scent of breakfast that I never seem to have the time to prepare anymore. As realistic as graduating students and soon-to-be working adults, the weariness doesn’t perplex me anymore, or at least not as much as the apprehension of what has passed me while I was immersed.

Exaggeration might be something that some people might detail out from what I’m writing but to look at life is different than to admire, and to admire is something that is essential to me, I wished to never take the joys of life for granted, little did I know, it’s not within my capability, how life passes me, that is.

Surely enough, you’ll get there soon too. That stage where living is more exhausting and yet life stays as beautiful as you’ve always known. This is not to say that you have to forget about the joys of life to appreciate them more once you remember but to show how beautiful life is around you, that while you carry heavy shoulders and heavier eyelids, life stayed as dreamy as you once remember it, just waiting for you to endure properly, to grow familiar with this stage you have to live through, for there are more sunsets that await you, and although it might take a while, I’ll find myself often chasing hues of sunsets I am yet to witness.