I am myself & myself is a lot

Ahmad Ayyash
3 min readApr 28

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Photo by Pat Whelen on Unsplash

Bear with me on this for I am aware of how the title might sound, while “a lot”might not be the most intelligible approach in such a statement, I believe I can underline and enhance it more positively for is it not quite the challenge to gift various perspectives and lenses to look through?

I am for myself and myself is a lot.

Indeed each soul grows more alert towards the possibility that maybe they don’t know themselves as much as they thought they did, and I, for one, felt puzzled because of the realization that there are yet more to unravel, too many roots to untangle. While such apprehension was conceded several years ago, I could not help but wonder about the continuation of such reality, of what comes after, noticing a sentence that is never finished. As time slipped by, I felt that the thought I had many years ago made a grand return when I first looked at who I truly am when no one is around, and I am a lot.

I can understand why a lot can have many negative connotations, and yet I picture it fit for this feeling I possess, no other synonym can take its place, no matter how optimistic it would appear. I could say plenty instead but it would appeal to others as an offer rather than a statement.

I am for myself and myself is plenty.

It is not the worst replacement of words, however, sensing the little difference made it seem less representative of my feelings, it delivers as a boast, look at me and the things I can create! To note what is evident, plenty might convey as enough but I am more than enough.

In the light of these acknowledgments, these statements, and these emotions, I find it fascinating how a monostich, a one-liner, could need this much explanation in order for you to view the same image as mine. It is rather a relief, too, to consider how the little words you utter carry various outlooks.

I am for myself and myself is a lot.

The first half signifies independence, to rely on yourself is nearly anything but a gained ability, for it was always innate, you simply needed a proper walkthrough and fewer people-pleasing. Life surely threw obstacles on whichever route you took and sometimes it is nice to find a soul to rely on the things that might be too complex or dense to digest but you need to remember that you know yourself best. People can try to empathize with you, to carry your feelings, to break them down to their understanding but there is only so much others can do that only you can resolve.

The second signifies worth, one of which you determine, for it is your own self. People see little parts of you that you display, how you react, apologize, seize an opportunity, act in times of need and so many more but the reality is just that, parts of you that you display. No one has the knowledge of what you don’t show, and those who try to learn what’s beyond your consent do not truly care for you. People’s words should never get in the way of your determination of yourself. You live in a body that accompanies a soul drastically different than others and you are responsible for yourself and your actions but nothing more. Your worth is yours to appreciate and allow to grow.

I am for myself and myself is a lot. I am like the ocean, you do not know all my depths, you do not know my beginning nor when my end will come. You know of my existence, what I allowed you to know of me and sometimes I find you soaring over the kindness I can gift. I am a lot and much more than enough for enough is not your determiner to identify me with. I am for myself and myself is a lot, and I think that is enough.

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Ahmad Ayyash

I'm Ayyash, a poet on a mission to heal souls with words. Through my verses, I embrace my scars and aim to inspire others to find pride in their own and heal.