I Still Have His City in My World Clock

Someone once told me that love never asks for happy endings. Often it doesn’t need to, because love only gracefully lets go.

But neck-deep in wonder, I still often get lost in a patchwork of lessons taking form as memories I have when he taught me that the best adventures were across dreams. And even after all these years, I still have his city in my world clock.

He always liked to bid his goodbyes over lunches. Even in those trendy cafes, he assured me that. “I’ll meet you again in summer”, and that we needed no pictures to develop of us. Until then, I rest at the comfort that he was always a day, a baggage claim away. As departure calls kiss good night, we both took off to tomorrow – a place closer than today.

And between the sheets of curious letters we settled for in lieu of bashful conversations, I realized those were all we had. Even with the fourteen-hour time difference, I never know what to say or do to outwit his indifference. I just know that within those fourteen hours, my mind wanders to Pleasant Hill whenever my head gets tired of his living carelessly, happy, most often without me.

Perhaps no therapy will ever reveal if I actually fell for his or how he truly made me feel. I was never really sure if I could love anything without having him enjoy it with me too; these playlists are as cheesy as they come, but he’ll start dancing, and I will have my stereo play them on repeat.

To this day, I still wish upon a star that there is still a space in time that longs for both of us to be happy. While the possibility of which perhaps only happening in a distant, dismal road, I know I will come dashing straight into tomorrow just so that I can fall in love with him again when forever comes.

But until then, as the darkness is here to stay, I will always picture his smile just like it was yesterday

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