our names are sailing away.
Dear Neptune,
I’m sailing another paper boat on your way.
Do you remember the last time I sent you one? I am still writing about the same person. He, whose existence was so faint that just flew under everyone’s radar — but not mine. The one who taught me humility and courage. The one who kept me awake until 4 am just for a single text. The one who created questions after questions with just one random act. The one who was always so close, but still so far.
A few days ago, I talked to him — for the first time after what felt like forever.
He was still the same person I knew back then — the polite, warm, thoughtful human being that I admired. If I’m being honest with you, talking to him felt like coming home. It felt like finding the missing jigsaw puzzle piece that I had been desperately searching for. It felt right. But as we spoke, I slowly realized that I had lost the very few things I knew about him. Years went by and he had changed, so did I. He quitted his job and followed his own way to make a living. He moved out of town to pursue his dreams. His playlist had changed. I didn’t even know if walking down memory lane meant anything anymore — because the person who was there is no longer there.
Ah, it stings. I can’t help but wonder… years from now, we might not even recognize each other the moment we meet. We would only be two strangers passing on each other’s way, too busy making ends meet — for us to notice each other. It was unfortunate that the timing never worked and I never knew how to make anyone stay. I never knew how to hold on things, take care of things, or just let things be. They slipped through my fingers too easily. No matter how hard I tried to hold them with my bare hands, everything kept falling and splattered all over the place.
Well, maybe this is just an old cassette that is being played way too often. Maybe we were never close at all. Maybe we were close but it didn’t work. Maybe it is time to give it a rest. Maybe he is just a ghost in the corner of my memory, waiting for me to set him free.
Therefore, I’m letting him go.
In the sea of possibilities, unfortunately, our names are sailing away.
This paper boat would probably sink and go deeper into the blue ocean. Drowning deeper and deeper, leaving no trace for anyone to find it. These words — maybe they would feel themselves fading with the flow and becoming one with the blue. Within no time, everything would be back to how it was. Meaningless nothing.
